Shortly after B. and I got back together I told him that if he was going to be with me, he had to end it with Pam. A few times when I came over, she would be there because she had to use his bathroom. I didn't buy any of that, when a person stops in to use someone else's bathroom they don't stay for another hour. That is what Pam did, she would hang around for another hour. Another time when B. and I got back to his place she called his home phone, and he answered on speaker since his phone had died. She asked if he was avoiding him. I knew something was not right, regular platonic friends do not ask those kind of questions. B. said he would end it with her, he would tell her to stop "dropping in to pee", to stop calling, and he would stop calling her as well. A couple of days later he told me he told her that he and I are back together and told her that they should not keep in touch anymore. I was relieved.
I caught the flu almost right after we got back together. Again, he took care of me. He brought me to the doctor, I stayed at his place because no one was home at my house. He took care of me, picked me up from school, cooked for me, made me tea, drew me hot baths, yelled at me when I did not get off my lazy butt to go to the doctor. After I went to the doctor, I started to get better. He did not give me antibiotics, but another prescription I do not remember the name do. All it did was simply attack the influenza virus, but I did not know that it did not help me create an immunity to that virus.
We got in another fight because I was absorbed in my own self-pitying sick world. I was sick and I thought I deserved special treatment. I thought I should be babied. I was sick! I always told myself that, What does he want me to do? I'm sick, doesn't he know that? The thing you should know about B. is that his approach to everything is Just Do It. I'm not trying to steal Nike's logo, but that is just how he is. Even if you're sick, that doesn't mean you can do NOTHING. To him, there is never a reason why you should do nothing, that is unacceptable (unless you're dead). And he's right. My parents always babied me when I was young. For the week I was sick, I became an spoiled 5 year old and B. became my father. I did not take medicine because I did not like it. I kicked off the covers because I was hot even thought I knew I had to "sweat out" the flu. I did not drink lots of fluids because I was not thirsty. I did not eat what B. cooked. I did not want to get up to go to the doctor because I couldn't stand up even though my condition was not getting better and my fever went over 103 the previous night. We fought before he left for work because my selfishness and spoiled behavior was stopping him from what he needed to do (get to work on time). I went home that night (I could finally walk without feeling dizzy, thank God).
A few days later, B. was silent, he did not talk to me. One of the days we got in an argument before I had to leave for school. We could not resolve it right there, but I said I would call him if I was going over. After school, I could not find a pay phone near my school and I did not have a mobile phone. I decided I'll just go over because I have keys to his place and I was still recovering from the flu and I was not going to walk around to look for a pay phone. I arrived at his apartment and opened the door. I walked into the bedroom and B. jumped off the bed. He was naked and whereas a person would wonder why, I shook it off and figured he was just hot because his room happens to be the warmest room in the house and it was quite hot in there. He asked if I wanted to shower, he was about to go shower.
"Uh.. no.. I'm okay, why do you have to shower?"
"Because I'm dirty"
"You don't look dirty, just sweaty"
As I was putting my bag down, I noticed a blue bra on the floor. All of this should have raised my eyebrows, but I was in a half daze from my flu and medication. Then I noticed a pair of female jeans draped over the chair.
My heart began to race, it slowly began to fall into place.
"Who's jeans are those?" I asked suspiciously.
B. was looking at the floor. "They're Pam's."
"Where is she?"
"She's on my bed"
"What is she doing on your bed without her pants?"
B. was still looking at the floor. "I'm sorry" he mumbled to his feet.
I stared, I could not believe what was happening. I walked over to the bed and pulled on the lump that was covered with the blanket. The lump pulled back. I went into the bathroom because I had been holding in my pee all day and could not do it any longer. When I got back Pam's pants and bra were no longer on the floor. I sat and did not look at the bed. I could hear the bed creak as she redressed. B. put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt over his naked body and I was steaming with disgust and anger, with betrayal, unbelief, pain, anguish. I was feeling everything except anything good.
In a huge crisis, I am able to keep my head. Regrettably, I cannot say this for all crises. I am sure other people possess this quality as well, it works great to keep a level voice, it helps people understand you so much better.
When I am as angry as I was that day, I do not even bother to scream, but I somehow manage to keep a steady voice. I sat in the chair and I began to interrogate.
"Are you going to go out with her?"
No answer.
"Why did you do this? Because I was not paying attention to you when I was sick?"
I don't know.
"What about how you were supposed to end it? You said you did."
I didn't really. I just told her we were back together.
"Why did you lie about us breaking up? Do you want to break up?"
He shrugged. Everything was just falling apart...
"So you go and have sex with my friend?!"
I'm sorry.
What happened was he called her to come over. She came over and they sat on his couch talking. He lied to her and told her we broke up. She then held his hand in some kind of sympathy move, and B. then began to fondle her breasts and between her legs. They went into the bedroom, and Pam kissed him but he moved away. Then she tried again, and he just let her. He lifted her shirt a bit, and she took it off herself. She undressed by herself, he did not undress her. B. removed his pants and he told her to bend over. So she bent over, and he did her from behind, standing up, with her bending over.
She asked to go on the bed, so they went on the bed. He told her to get on her knees and he put on a condom and did her like a dog. When he came, he wiped himself off, and she just rolled over. They laid there and he did not hold her, they just laid there staring at the ceiling. 15 or 20 minutes later he hears me open the front door and he panicks.
This is all from what he told me, but when I talked to Pam about it she did not deny any of this. When I asked him why he would time it so beautifully, so that it would be approximately at the time I usually arrive to his place from school he said he did not know, he kind of wanted to get caught. He felt that our relationship was falling apart again and he just wanted to do something to push me away. He said when he called her over, he was in a daze, he went through the motions and although he knew what he was doing, he also did not know what he was doing.
Pam got dressed and made to leave, but I told her to stay. She stood in the living room and did not look at me. I was steaming with anger, I wanted to strike down with thunder, I was so incredibly mad, but I did not yell.
"How could you do this? Does my faithfulness to you mean NOTHING? I know I don't have much to give you, I don't have a lot of money, but the one thing I ALWAYS gave you with faithfulness. I don't even look twice at other men. In the beginning when you told me you did not like my flirty behavior, did I not stop?! You lied to me, you told me NOTHING would happen between you two, and yet here you are, having sex with her!" I went on and on and on. I don't even remember half of what I said.
B. sat there and listened and answers he gave to questions I asked did not suffice. Most of them were "I don't know" or "I'm sorry" (which is not an answer). I talked to Pam from where I was sitting, but she never said a word. This is her character, when confronted with a problem she does not confront it, she keeps quiet and runs away. Even when the problem is right there in front of her face, she never says a word. I asked her, "what happened to 'I would never do anything with B. to hurt you'?" She said nothing.
I asked her, "I thought you said you didn't like him? Then why are you here having sex with him?!". She said nothing.
I asked her, "I thought you said 'sex is a sacred thing and it should only be done with someone special'? What happened to that?!". She said nothing.
Prior to this incident, when I talked to Pam, she told me she thought sex was something sacred. It should only be done with somebody you love, and she said she would wait until she was married to have sex. She was also a virgin until B. had sex with her. She told me that she had no feelings toward B., she told me that she would never get involved with him, she would never do something like that to hurt her friend.
I understand that B. told her he and I broke up, so I cannot blame her for that. Pam still believes that I was angry because she slept with him. Honestly, that is not why I am angry. I am angry because she lied to me. She does not understand that, even when I told her plain and simple, "I am not mad at you because you slept with him, I don't even blame you for that. I'm mad because you lied". She has the amazing ability to ignore the words when told to her plain and simple.
I caught the flu almost right after we got back together. Again, he took care of me. He brought me to the doctor, I stayed at his place because no one was home at my house. He took care of me, picked me up from school, cooked for me, made me tea, drew me hot baths, yelled at me when I did not get off my lazy butt to go to the doctor. After I went to the doctor, I started to get better. He did not give me antibiotics, but another prescription I do not remember the name do. All it did was simply attack the influenza virus, but I did not know that it did not help me create an immunity to that virus.
We got in another fight because I was absorbed in my own self-pitying sick world. I was sick and I thought I deserved special treatment. I thought I should be babied. I was sick! I always told myself that, What does he want me to do? I'm sick, doesn't he know that? The thing you should know about B. is that his approach to everything is Just Do It. I'm not trying to steal Nike's logo, but that is just how he is. Even if you're sick, that doesn't mean you can do NOTHING. To him, there is never a reason why you should do nothing, that is unacceptable (unless you're dead). And he's right. My parents always babied me when I was young. For the week I was sick, I became an spoiled 5 year old and B. became my father. I did not take medicine because I did not like it. I kicked off the covers because I was hot even thought I knew I had to "sweat out" the flu. I did not drink lots of fluids because I was not thirsty. I did not eat what B. cooked. I did not want to get up to go to the doctor because I couldn't stand up even though my condition was not getting better and my fever went over 103 the previous night. We fought before he left for work because my selfishness and spoiled behavior was stopping him from what he needed to do (get to work on time). I went home that night (I could finally walk without feeling dizzy, thank God).
A few days later, B. was silent, he did not talk to me. One of the days we got in an argument before I had to leave for school. We could not resolve it right there, but I said I would call him if I was going over. After school, I could not find a pay phone near my school and I did not have a mobile phone. I decided I'll just go over because I have keys to his place and I was still recovering from the flu and I was not going to walk around to look for a pay phone. I arrived at his apartment and opened the door. I walked into the bedroom and B. jumped off the bed. He was naked and whereas a person would wonder why, I shook it off and figured he was just hot because his room happens to be the warmest room in the house and it was quite hot in there. He asked if I wanted to shower, he was about to go shower.
"Uh.. no.. I'm okay, why do you have to shower?"
"Because I'm dirty"
"You don't look dirty, just sweaty"
As I was putting my bag down, I noticed a blue bra on the floor. All of this should have raised my eyebrows, but I was in a half daze from my flu and medication. Then I noticed a pair of female jeans draped over the chair.
My heart began to race, it slowly began to fall into place.
"Who's jeans are those?" I asked suspiciously.
B. was looking at the floor. "They're Pam's."
"Where is she?"
"She's on my bed"
"What is she doing on your bed without her pants?"
B. was still looking at the floor. "I'm sorry" he mumbled to his feet.
I stared, I could not believe what was happening. I walked over to the bed and pulled on the lump that was covered with the blanket. The lump pulled back. I went into the bathroom because I had been holding in my pee all day and could not do it any longer. When I got back Pam's pants and bra were no longer on the floor. I sat and did not look at the bed. I could hear the bed creak as she redressed. B. put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt over his naked body and I was steaming with disgust and anger, with betrayal, unbelief, pain, anguish. I was feeling everything except anything good.
In a huge crisis, I am able to keep my head. Regrettably, I cannot say this for all crises. I am sure other people possess this quality as well, it works great to keep a level voice, it helps people understand you so much better.
When I am as angry as I was that day, I do not even bother to scream, but I somehow manage to keep a steady voice. I sat in the chair and I began to interrogate.
"Are you going to go out with her?"
No answer.
"Why did you do this? Because I was not paying attention to you when I was sick?"
I don't know.
"What about how you were supposed to end it? You said you did."
I didn't really. I just told her we were back together.
"Why did you lie about us breaking up? Do you want to break up?"
He shrugged. Everything was just falling apart...
"So you go and have sex with my friend?!"
I'm sorry.
What happened was he called her to come over. She came over and they sat on his couch talking. He lied to her and told her we broke up. She then held his hand in some kind of sympathy move, and B. then began to fondle her breasts and between her legs. They went into the bedroom, and Pam kissed him but he moved away. Then she tried again, and he just let her. He lifted her shirt a bit, and she took it off herself. She undressed by herself, he did not undress her. B. removed his pants and he told her to bend over. So she bent over, and he did her from behind, standing up, with her bending over.
She asked to go on the bed, so they went on the bed. He told her to get on her knees and he put on a condom and did her like a dog. When he came, he wiped himself off, and she just rolled over. They laid there and he did not hold her, they just laid there staring at the ceiling. 15 or 20 minutes later he hears me open the front door and he panicks.
This is all from what he told me, but when I talked to Pam about it she did not deny any of this. When I asked him why he would time it so beautifully, so that it would be approximately at the time I usually arrive to his place from school he said he did not know, he kind of wanted to get caught. He felt that our relationship was falling apart again and he just wanted to do something to push me away. He said when he called her over, he was in a daze, he went through the motions and although he knew what he was doing, he also did not know what he was doing.
Pam got dressed and made to leave, but I told her to stay. She stood in the living room and did not look at me. I was steaming with anger, I wanted to strike down with thunder, I was so incredibly mad, but I did not yell.
"How could you do this? Does my faithfulness to you mean NOTHING? I know I don't have much to give you, I don't have a lot of money, but the one thing I ALWAYS gave you with faithfulness. I don't even look twice at other men. In the beginning when you told me you did not like my flirty behavior, did I not stop?! You lied to me, you told me NOTHING would happen between you two, and yet here you are, having sex with her!" I went on and on and on. I don't even remember half of what I said.
B. sat there and listened and answers he gave to questions I asked did not suffice. Most of them were "I don't know" or "I'm sorry" (which is not an answer). I talked to Pam from where I was sitting, but she never said a word. This is her character, when confronted with a problem she does not confront it, she keeps quiet and runs away. Even when the problem is right there in front of her face, she never says a word. I asked her, "what happened to 'I would never do anything with B. to hurt you'?" She said nothing.
I asked her, "I thought you said you didn't like him? Then why are you here having sex with him?!". She said nothing.
I asked her, "I thought you said 'sex is a sacred thing and it should only be done with someone special'? What happened to that?!". She said nothing.
Prior to this incident, when I talked to Pam, she told me she thought sex was something sacred. It should only be done with somebody you love, and she said she would wait until she was married to have sex. She was also a virgin until B. had sex with her. She told me that she had no feelings toward B., she told me that she would never get involved with him, she would never do something like that to hurt her friend.
I understand that B. told her he and I broke up, so I cannot blame her for that. Pam still believes that I was angry because she slept with him. Honestly, that is not why I am angry. I am angry because she lied to me. She does not understand that, even when I told her plain and simple, "I am not mad at you because you slept with him, I don't even blame you for that. I'm mad because you lied". She has the amazing ability to ignore the words when told to her plain and simple.
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